Maybe

It’s been a good break. Melbourne-JB-Sgp during the winter break was awesome. The 4 nights in Melbourne, the outings in JB, the movie in Cathay. All in all, a good break. After all, any time spent servis-ing is good time. I guess.

Went up to KL for Nigel’s 21st. Despite some screw ups, it was still a great one. A long overdue reunion for the most of us. Some things changed, but at least the brotherhood’s still going strong. Brotalks ranged from the serious to the most ridiculous shit ever. But that’s what makes us, us. The ability to talk about anything, everything under the sun.

Came back to uni in August, went over to Melbourne in Week 3. Short, but sweet trip. Studying in UniMelb’s library made me realise how much I wanted to get my Masters’ there. Maybe it will happen.

Maybe it will last.

Maybe it won’t.

Maybe we will change.

Maybe one of us will change.

Or just maybe, there will be a happy ending to this not so magical fairytale.

All I know is, I have to treasure what I have now. Incredible, the emotional roller-coaster I’m on. Haven’t felt like this in, ever. So, despite the random piss-offs and the PMS-ing (by the both of us), I still have to persevere.

P.S. I did so much girly stuff today, it’s unbelievable. And all because I found a girl worth doing all these for.

P.S.(2) I just felt like writing. Which explains why this is such a boring post. Just needed to write something.

The List

Last day of semester 1, year 2. Ended pretty badly, given that I couldn’t find a place in the 2 libraries and spent 45 mins walking around just trying to find a spot. Thanks to all the Chinese buggers who leave their things behind to reserve a spot while they go for lectures / eat / drink / pollute the air with their unshaved pits / fuck in the bushes (literally). Fuck that. Just when I’m ready to spend 10 hours in the library, which is pretty rare. Ended up going home and procrastinated 4 hours away already.

Oh well.

Exam starts in exactly a week. Another 2 research papers due too. After the 14th, I will be free, and we all know what comes after that. The only thing keeping me going, for now. Melbourne followed by Malaysia. Hopefully, it will be a good month.

Oh, I got so bored, I made a damn list. Bloody hell. Me and my hyperactive imagination. Not good. Especially when the list is next to a folder named “Pictures” on my desktop. Looking at it gives me wild ideas every single time I turn on my laptop. And I would then update the list. Not good at all. Can’t blame me though. I have been waiting to unleash the thoughts and creativity for years. Just haven’t met the right one. But now, maybe it’s time.

Back to some quasilinearity + WACCs.

#nowplaying Ellie Goulding – Your Song. It’s a cover version of Elton John’s song, but I think it’s awesome.

Cheers,
Brian

Helpless

The feeling you get when the person you care about is in a bad place. And you are not physically around to do anything about it. All words sound shallow. MSN and Skype just seem inadequate. You can’t really express comfort and support via emoticons like 🙂 and :D. Well, ({) may seem like a good emoticon to use, but it’s just that, an emoticon.

Definitely, the person in the middle of it all is experiencing the worst of it. As close friends, as bystanders, as somebody who is more than just a close friend, you can’t help but feel useless since you can’t do much at all. Besides offering words of encouragement, a dose of logic every now and then and a stream of jokes as feeble attempts to cheer the person up, there is nothing else you can do at all. Which makes me feel bad.

I have gone through the loss of a loved one. I have never really talked about it. My mum and my sis were crying their eyes out. My dad and I just stood at the side, stoning. I’m not heartless or whatever, I just felt numb. It’s just a response to loss and pain, everyone has a different way of dealing with it. My grandma passed away when I was in Form 1. I remember rushing from home to the hospital, only to learn midway through the journey that she’s gone. I practically spent that week shuttling between home, hospital and school. Well, she was 86, she led a long life. And she went peacefully. A myocardial infarction, heart attack basically. But she was struggling in hospital, it was perhaps more of a relief and a release when she left. No more pain, no more struggling. And I could see that she felt bad, having all of us keeping a vigil day by day.

Despite the initial numbness, it’s bad when it starts to really sink in. Returning home to see her empty room, no chance of eating her home-cooked food anymore, no one to share your opinions with while watching TV. Things were bad, that month. That year, in fact. I still wonder if my studies were affected by that, since I absolutely fucked up my results and it went downhill that year. But, of course, I’m not blaming her. She was there when I grew up. I wish I could have treasured more of it. I was her pride and joy, she used to brag about me to all her friends and neighbours. Probably another one of the biggest regrets in my life, taking her for granted. When the loss came, it was so sudden and swift, I didn’t know how to react.

Acquaintances, love, farewells and death are all part of life. Everybody has to go through it. It takes time to accept it, but everyone will, eventually. Jo, if you are reading this, know that all your friends are here for you. My deepest condolences on your loss.

I can’t believe I just poured that out on Asympthoughts. One of the untold stories in my life. It sucks to even think back about it. I’m usually so happy and chilled, this is so different.

On a separate note, underappreciation only occurs when the person is oblivious to your existence. When the person knows that you are there, she/he does not need to know what you have done, what you have sacrificed. There is nothing to brag about, nothing to show off about. You are doing it willingly. They will appreciate it anyway. I figured that out in my sleep. I love how my brain works when I sleep. Once you wake up, everything feels better. True story. =)

Cheers,
Brian

Have A Little Faith

Just got home from a futsal tournament. It has been a long time since I last played, so, pretty good performance, I guess. 2 wins and a defeat in the group stages, qualified for the quarter-finals as group winners. Lost 2-0 in the quarters, pretty unlucky. We were practically camping in the opponent’s half but nothing went in. Saved 3 penalties and got a clean sheet! WOOHOO! Happy with my performance, but I would probably have played better if I trained consistently. Came home with a shitload of injuries though. Massive lacerations on my right leg, my arms are aching, my palms are stinging. And I got hit by the ball right smack in the crotch. I swear, something feels different down there. Okay, TMI. But, yeah, if this goes on, I might never be a dad. Sigh, the joys of being a goalkeeper.

But all these had nothing to do with the title of this post, did it?

Oh well.

Almost a week has passed since I got back from Melbourne. Went for some lame ass classes, tutors were practically wasting time. Worked a full day’s shift. Received my pay, 700++ dollars of awesomeness! Thinking back to how exhausted I was, maybe it was worth it after all. Spent a day lepak-ing and PPD-ing with Jing. Got my Havaianas from Manly beach, had a Zumbo cake and went for a swim in Jing’s condo. Shiokness.

Alright, moving on to what this post is really about.

Don’t worry. Have a little faith in me, and trust yourself. Don’t EVER doubt yourself. And don’t doubt what we have. Rest assured, you have nothing to worry about me. We are not diving into this, I am bloody contented with what we have already. We will see how it goes in June, before rushing to make anything official. I promise I won’t rush into this. I know you are okay now, this serves as a reminder since you hit the F5 button every night (technically morning) when you go to sleep. So when you wake up everyday, read this, and all your doubts will be gone. XD

It’s nice to see how happy you are from a simple thing such as getting uncapped 😀

To all you bros who didn’t understand a single shit up there other than the futsal stuff, don’t bother. This was clearly not meant for you guys.

Cheers,
Brian

Photobooth

What a trip 🙂

Highlights include Animal Orchestra, Tiamo, Nando’s, Arthur, Ferris Wheel, weirdo comedian, Glen Waverley (not too bad after all), Zest, Max Brenner’s, Russell Peters followed by a huge burden lifted off followed by The Orphan, curry chicken in Vanessa’s, TimTam Slam, Paul, getting lost around Crown, Italian restaurant on Lygon, Menya, the walk from Southbank to Joel’s place, Insidious (epic fail), Pancake Parlour (tension-ed to the max), Southern Cross. And a whole lot of sleep.

That was practically everything I did there. Brilliant.

Joel, if you are reading this, check your Mac’s Photo Booth. You are in for a shock.

$4 black-and-white photobooths are awesome too.

It has been a crazy few months. Take it slow, go with the flow.

Thanks to the bros for all the support. Thanks to all our friends. Most importantly, thank you for layaning me.

Cheers,
Brian

Strangers, Again

Brilliant video. Watch it.

Cheers

All In

Shitloads have happened since the last post.

Went home for summer, met up with the bros. It was a continuous stream of Indian food and sports. Ahhh, heaven. Just a small gathering for my birthday, hung out in Permas the whole time. And in doing so, I had to take crap about Permas all day. From the normal “ulu”, and “kampung” to totally ridiculous ones like some tribal rituals. All because of roadkill. Bloody annoying, but good day anyway.

I have no idea what all 4 of us were doing.

 Christmas was awesome, with plenty of brotalks, some so shocking they just BLOW your mind. After the mind-blowing stuff, you realise, “Meh, that was not so good after all”. But everything was brilliant, with Thomas providing most of the laughs and most of the puffs too. New Year’s eve was weird though. The bros finally realised the fear of being stalked. From carpools to Lloyd’s pool. Tension was at its maximum. And we didn’t have the buckets of fried chicken + beehoon from previous years. I bet Leon misses that. We didn’t even countdown to 2011. All stuck in some stupid poker game while I just chilled. That was really lameass.

Worked in KL for a month. All the you-see-ass-eye jokes were flying around constantly before that. But it was all good in the end. Hung out with Marvin, met his bro, met his bros, experienced life in UCSI. Goodball, that one. Futsal was great too. Oh, how I miss futsal.

Midway through the UCSI stint, it was time for LANGKAWI! It was Vinesh’s birthday, 21st in fact. The first of the homeboys to turn 21 and he told us stories. Stories that made the bros tilt. Stories that made the etikans go “THREE”.

"3"

That was legendary. Especially with Ko asking all the homo-philic questions. “Vinesh, the girls like your **** or not?”. Cue facepalms and hysterical laughter. Vinesh met his Kapten Abang while we were about to check in to the hotel. It was like a dream come true for all the shooters.

Cenang was good, definitely will go back there again. There was this topless girl sunbathing and Leon was just pointing excitedly, “LOOK, LOOK, TOPLESS SUNBATHING”. Oh god. Best part was, everyone tried to walk away as fast as possible but Leon just stuncock-ed there. And while we were playing frisbee, a girl in a purple bikini walked past. She just came back from parasailing or something. Everyone stopped playing at the same time and just stared. Until she got really uncomfortable and covered herself up. But that was some true brombda, λ.

Then we returned to the hotel, showered and just chilling. Waiting to go for dinner. People started falling asleep and were just stoning. UNTIL. Ko created his own story, as always, and made everyone tension. “Hey guys, got people having sex in the room opposite.” Ohmygod. Tension went from 0 -> max. And we all did this.

Epic stalkers.

There was frantic rushing to the window, turning off the lights, closing the curtains. And everyone was just trying to see in the darkness. Even the sleeping ones woke up and joined us. And it turns out that it was just kids jumping around on the bed. Which explains Leon’s question, “What sex they doing? Why does it look so wild, jumping from the bed and all?” POTONG STIM HABIS. Ko got the shooting of his lifetime after that. His pride decreased exponentially but team pride stayed constant. All in all, a fantastic brotrip. Especially when you drive 2 cars up from JB-KL-LGK. True pride.

Next came CNY with all the food and gambling and angpows. After missing last year’s CNY, this year feels especially good. Although I can’t understand how Leon/Jing can be so lucky every single time in blackjack. Logic defying. Which is why I sucked balls. Negative 50 ringgit or something, throughout the whole of CNY. Stupid game.

Good day 🙂

Leroy made me damn tension. Damn you, Leroy.

And a few tennis sessions after that, it was time to go back to Sydney.  Oh well, it was a good break. Back to the grind, I suppose. Thanks for the memories, guys. Good times. See you guys soon.

Cheers

Signal Fire

Movies are a bad influence. They give weird ideas, especially ones that play mind games with your head and spin it around. They teach you about dropping signals and picking up subtle hints that may not be there at all. They make you think like you have something going on when there is none.

A song and a movie conjured nothing out of something 2 years ago. It shouldn’t have gone to my head but it did. But if I were to do it all again, I would have made the exact same trip. No regrets. Well, probably just one. Lacked the balls, probably the only thing I would change. Who knows. No use dwelling on the past.

Yeah, the bros may seem like jocks. Always talking about funbags and bronto eggs, generally sounding insensitive and redneck-like. Truth is, we are all still waiting. It may take time, it may be tomorrow. Again, who knows.

Just finished my first exam. Learnt the hard way that movies are not the best relaxation after a grueling 3 hour exam. Doing it all again on Saturday. And Monday. And Thursday, and Friday. And there goes the first year in uni. Ups, downs, new people, old people, new friends, old friends, new pisangs, old pisangs. It’s all there. Some things remain constant though, never change that. Cheer up if you’re unhappy, light up as if you have a choice.

Cheers,

Brian

The Importance of Being Idle

Procrastination is becoming a huge problem. The closer I get to the exams, the more relaxed I become. No, combinatorial probability won’t solve itself, Markov chains won’t automatically unravel, the Keynesian model is not a hot chick, sinking funds won’t float and managerial accounting doesn’t become more interesting. But still, I just can’t bring myself to study much. And it sucks when you are trapped in an expanded Cendekia class, with multiples of Soo and an unhealthy dose of Teng, Yong Jenn and whatnot. 

I need some stress relievers. Some Indian food from Agneey’s would do me well. A session of basketball or tennis would be awesome. A run in Istana Gardens would probably clear my mind. But the substitutes here just don’t cut it. Indian food from Macquarie Centre tastes like 30 bucks. And no tambah nasi. A session of football in the rain is probably as close as it gets, but it just lacks the banter of the lads. No shouting of  KOBEHHHH when going for the hoop, no chants of Federer when retrieving a seemingly impossible shot. A run in Marsfield park is just as interesting as looking at caterpillars crawl out of the grass and onto the pavements. If I’m lucky, I would get some highways alongside me. But it’s been a long time since I got lucky. And there is of course the complements. The bros. The food. A sports session with the bros followed by Agneeys/Kerala/beef noodles/Wonderland. Definitely something I miss.

Chicks-wise, it’s hard when you meet somebody you MIGHT be interested in, and spend the rest of the conversation explaining what the hell is actuarial studies. As a rule of thumb, the hotter the body/the prettier the face, the longer the time spent explaining why you are doing MATH133 while she is doing MATH106. Yeah, I get asked all the time. From guys and girls alike. The same bloody question. “Eh, you ada girlfriend ke tak?/Do you have a girlfriend?” I can almost hear their monolog dalaman, “What’s wrong with him?/Why he don’t want girlfriend ah?/I wonder who he likes” and so on. You know people are thinking when they introduce themselves to you as, “Hi Brian! I’m not a stalker.” Oh god, how the heck do you react to that. Severe lagness to the brain. It’s just hard to find a gal that ticks all the boxes. And they don’t get why I don’t settle for less. I would prefer celibacy than to continuously explain the principle of inclusion and exclusion. Ok, maybe not.

Uni-wise, besides finally killing off the last of the assignments and tests, it’s been quite hard juggling a post and uniwork. Being Macquarie’s Sports Director also requires you to wash and chop 11 kgs of chicken, remove chili seeds (accidentally touching nose and eyes = instant burning and intense pain), peel potatoes and generally doing hard labour. And that’s the easy bit. I thought I was doing fine until everybody I met in uni said I looked tired. And this was right after a solid 11 hour sleep. Just brilliant.

I will be back home in 5 weeks. Just have to slog through this for awhile more. Doable, definitely. Actually doing it might just be a little hard. 5 papers in 8 days = goodball. I will probably start snapping at everyone on twitter. Not that I don’t already snap at people. Especially every Monday and Friday, with Jing usually the victim. You want to know if I am stressed? Just look at my tweets. It’s like my twitter is on its own PMS cycle. Weekly cycle.

By the way, it might not be as closed as I think it was. In fact, I think it blasted right open. There were a combination of factors. The tipping point was last night’s dream. It was so awesome that I thought it was real. Fuck it.

Gotta complete my tutorials now. Neverending, but it will be over before I, you, we, know it.

Cheers,

Brian

Spring Broke

 Alright, this was supposed to be posted 3 weeks ago. But my wordpress failed me for the first time ever. More than half of the post got deleted when I was saving the draft. Completely lost the mood and left it hanging, until now. It was complete with shots and references to the brocode too. Ah, what a bloody shame. Must be God’s work. The Big Man was telling me to stop shooting in His own way.

What I did for spring : 

1. Eat Wind
2. Wash Eyes 

Fouratefive

First up, Fouratefive! Simply an epic place. Punny name too. Located at 485, Crown St, which took a long uphill walk to reach. All worth it in the end though, famous for their pulled pork sandwich and served an absolutely epic roast beef sandwich. Personal favourite was the beef burger. My kind of portion. To top it all off, Justin, Jing and I were hormoning one of the workers. Hippie chick, floral dress, tattoo on arm. Hot stuff. In case you didn’t notice, that’s Jing’s bro, Wing Hang, in the pic. The very same chick who shot Jing’s name to the top of the facebook and twitter trending topics. Goodball indeed.

Bros

 

Next up, Manly beach. The sky was freakishly blue, fantastic beach day. Especially when we saw this.

Just a picture of me and Justin

You are obviously not a bro if you actually believed the caption. We were up to our normal tersirat photo taking, you know when we are actually out of focus and the main target is just over our shoulders. We had to act fast too, they were packing up and leaving. Sailor gal practically made my day.

Visited the OPRAH house at night. Magnificent night view. Was wondering what OPRAH they were showing inside. Managed to sneak in but got halau-ed thanks to our beachwear.

Went for M-fest too. Met some people, surprised Chow who didn’t recognise me at first. He stared at me and just lagged for a few moments. Goodball la. Visited fish market for the second time too. What an epic meal that was. Hell, I’m getting hungry just thinking about it. That was followed by Bondi’s and Hurricanes. Another epic meal. Hid out in some cave thingy right above the ocean. Talk about living on the edge.

Went over to some bay, just because we had free boat rides. Saw this just as we got off the boat.

Wow

That just totally set off my homs. I thought it was so cool. Until some cheena name popped up. Xiaohui or whatever. Goz. Totally potong-ed my steam.

Went over to Artarmon too, for some epic epic ramen. I think I should go there when my exams end. I’m getting hungry again just thinking about that.

And for the most epic event ever. Something money can’t buy. The only ways you can get in was either through sheer luck or become a socceroo. And obviously being a socceroo is the more realistic path. It was fucking Breakfast on the Sydney Harbour Bridge!

Beat that

Forget about doing push ups on the four lane Jln Imbi. Try the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Nigel can probably do it on the London Bridge. Leroy can do it too, on the jejantas to IMU. 

That was a much needed break, with some awesome food and much needed brotalk. All in all, a good break. With only a few pisang to eat, which was oddly liberating. I mean, compared to the normal give and take volume of pisangs, this was really a good break.

Cheers,

KOBEHHHHHHH